that Sarah Klem

I used to blog as the Devil. Then I was Tatiana. Now, I'm just me.

No Fear

I was out with Coriander and Salty for Quizzo the other night, when the emcee invited  volunteers to participate in a lightening round — a lightening round involves going head-to-head with another contestant in front of the rest of the bar.

Coriander, who thinks I'm much smarter than I am, insisted I raise my hand.

I refused.

The lightening round began, I knew all the answers to the questions and Coriander balked that it could’ve been our team enjoying free fries.

I pointed out we all had fries with our dinner and it would’ve been different if I was up there. Up there, I would have succumbed to the pressure of needing to be absolutely sure before I opened my mouth and therefore wouldn’t have answered any of the questions.

Later, Coriander pushed the issue again. I explained to her it scared me, which is when she starting yelling at me.

Yelling at people is something Coriander does: she is a former personal trainer.

And, while at the time, I didn’t appreciate the looks we were getting from other patrons as Coriander told me about the benefits of stepping outside of my comfort zone, in the privacy of my own home, I thought more about what she said.

I do let the fear of what others will think or say about me rule my life entirely more than I should. Instead of asking what do I want to do, or what should I do, or what would Cameron Diaz do before embarking on any adventure, I always think: What will others say? 

Not my mother. Not my sister. Not my best friends. Just the ubiquitous others.

Perhaps it is a by-product of my day job: constantly trying to control the message. But it shouldn’t overflow into my personal life to the degree it has. 

So, I'm going to attempt to push myself beyond this fear. I’m not sure what this experiment will look like just yet. I just know it will need to be a near daily endeavor and something I will surely keep you up to date on here.