that Sarah Klem

I used to blog as the Devil. Then I was Tatiana. Now, I'm just me.

The Projects Phase

A couple of very close friends have recently found themselves happily coupled off and that makes this blogger happy.

Except, at some point I know these friends will stop making out with their new boyfriends, look around the bar and think, who do I know that I can fix up with Sarah. Because that is what happens: I call it the Projects Phase. And every happily coupled off woman I know has gone through it*.

I have two theories for why this phase happens. Either the friend is coming down from all of her first's buzz (first date, first kiss, first sleep-over, first morning after, first I love you, first overnight trip, you get the idea) and so to keep the buzzing feelings alive and well until the next set of relationship milestones, she looks to couple off her friends. That, or she is so sappy happy in love she wants everyone to feel this way and so she looks to her single friend who says she is happy but can’t possibly be as happy as she is and so she wants to help her friend see just how happy one can be.

Having lived through this phase on a number of occasions, it is important to remember a couple of things.

1) No matter how annoying it is to you that your friend, who just months ago was your sister in single solidarity, is now trying to do that thing most single people hate (being fixed up), keep in mind your friend probably has good intentions. She is happy. She wants the world to be this happy. Or she is looking back on the last couple of months and realizes she hasn’t been spending as much time with you and thinks this could be solved if you had a boyfriend too and then you could double date. Or she is already thinking about her wedding and knows how you freak out about having to find a date but hate it more when you are invited to weddings without one.

2) No matter how long it has been since you got some lovin’ you shouldn’t randomly hook up with one of your friend’s new boyfriend’s friends. This is the first well your friend is going to dip into when it comes to finding you a new someone (after all, you already know all the other single guys she knows). And while it may be tempting, he could be really cute with amazing cheekbones and triceps you can see through his jacket, if this thing between your friend and his friend goes the distance, you will end up seeing this guy at happy hours and holiday parties, housewarmings, barbecues, the engagement party, the co-ed shower, the wedding, their anniversary dinner, the christening, and on and on.

Of course if you are okay with a) seeing someone who has seen you naked again and again and/or b) explaining to anyone you might date in the future who he is, then go ahead and get wild in the single-sex bathroom at the bar where you first meet. You are a better person than me.

3) This too will pass. Just like you never thought she was ever going to stop referring to her new boyfriend by his full name (Did I tell you the funny thing Joseph Wayne Prescott Montgomery the third said the other day?) but recently she has been calling him Joseph and you have even heard her refer to him as Joe at least twice, eventually she will stop heralding all the accomplishments of Joe’s friends or adding “some of Joe’s friends will be there too” after you have already accepted an invitation.

I mean, inevitably, she will get engaged. And trust me, nothing cures a friend’s need for something to do like a wedding to plan.

*As I was editing this I realized this isn’t entirely true. I don’t recall Marie going through this phase. At least not with me. If any of Marie’s friends read this and want to chime in with their stories of how she tried to fix them up, please do so in the comments section.