Oh, guys. Oh, no. Please tell me this isn’t true. Please tell me you aren’t sending selfies to women you have never met in real life.
As you all know, I am out of the online/app dating game. However, most us my friends are still in it, so, from time to time, I get to live vicariously as they relive their horror stories. Such an occasion arose at happy hour last week. And what I learned has me simultaneously laughing and shaking my head.
If I didn’t believe in you guys, I would just leave it at that. But I do believe in you. I believe some of you are wonderful, albeit completely clueless, individuals who just need a little help. And that is what I hope to do today.
Gentlemen, friends, bros, what are you doing sending random selfies to women you haven’t met yet?
For those of you unfamiliar with this trend(?) let me explain. Claire was regaling us with her latest stories about dudes she met on Bumble, including one guy she matched with and progressed from Bumble chatting to actual texting (with their own phone numbers). Said-dude has yet to ask Claire out so they can meet in person and hear what the other’s voice sounds like but he has started sending her random selfies: selfie of him at work, selfie of him at the airport, selfie of him on a hike, selfie of him at bbq with his friends.
I assume dude was sending out “Hey Cutie” texts, For those of you unfamiliar with this, in the second season of Master of None, Arnold is visiting Dev in Italy and takes a photo (or video) of himself eating pasta and sends it to some women (or maybe just one woman, not really clear) with the line: “Hey, cutie”. The difference is: a) I assume Arnold has already met the women he sent these pictures and b) he was in Italy. Eating the most amazing food ever. At one point he was sending Hey, cutie texts from an exclusive room in the world’s best restaurant. If you are in a private dining area of the world’s best restaurant I would consider you showing incredible restraint if you don’t send that hey cutie selfie to everyone in your contacts.
But these Hey Cutie texts lacked any and interest or context (they also lacked the “hey, cutie). This isn’t a picture of the spread at Zahav with a note saying “If you haven’t tried this place yet, you have to go. It is amazing.” Or, leaving “leaving for a boy’s only weekend, let’s get together when I’m back so I can brag about all the cool stuff I did.”
What the ever loving fuck? How is this a thing? More importantly, dudes, is this working for you? Because Claire immediately stopped responding to this guy and our other friend Jessica added that she has a similar experience a year ago and she responded the same way. Then they pulled out their phones and discovered it was the same dude.*
Dudes, Jessica and Claire and the kind of women you want to be dating. They are hot. And well-travelled. And funny. And have their shit together. These are not the sort of women you want to turn-off before you have even met them face-to-face.
*Yes, I am posting and calling this a trend based on one dude. However, statistics and probability and math prove (I think, I’m not great at math but I’m pretty sure this was explained to me once in a history elective on UFOs) where there is one there are many, many more.