Tatiana Talks

Going Under the Knife

I have often wondered if one could be a feminist and still undergo cosmetic surgery.

When I was much younger I desperately wanted a nose job. And for pretty good reason. My nose was the second thing on my body to grow. First my feet (a women’s size eight in the third grade) and then my nose; I was all nose until I was about 18 when the rest of my face caught up and I returned to looking normal, even pretty.

But I read somewhere that your nose and ears are the two things that continue to grow as you age and so sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror wondering if my nose has grown since the day before. I am terrified of returning to the days where my face is all nose.

And so I think, maybe I should get a nose job. Shrink it down a bit so that when I am older and it is fully grown, it is still a normal respectable size.

Or would Rhinoplasty halt its growth, in which case could I get a nose job that would just give me my current nose?

In my head, a nose job seems no more dangerous to the feminist movement than stilettos. But what about a boob job? Because I have thought about getting one of those as well. Particularly during bikini season when I look around at all the other girls at the pool and then look down at my barely there chest and wonder what if?

Though, I doubt I would be able to make it through the consultation, however. In addition to a never-stop-growing nose, and way-too-small-to-fill-out-an-unpadded-bikini-top breasts, I have a tragic bite; not an overbite or an under-bite, but a tragic bite. According to my dentist, your lower teeth are suppose to line-up just behind your upper teeth. Mine line-up exactly under, causing tragedy, I suppose. Anyway, he recommended I see an orthodontist about it, and the orthodontist suggested braces. Which was upsetting enough. But then he added that if after my bite was corrected, I was still unhappy with my chin, we could add collagen to fill out my upper lip and balance out my mouth.

Umm, I never said I was unhappy with my chin. Christ, what’s wrong with my chin?

I left the office crying before he could start circling my fat with a black magic marker.

Of course I can rationalize both a boob and nose job (and now a chin job). After all, are the reasons behind it really any different than my reasoning for shaving my legs? Wearing make-up? Getting my hair done? Having my teeth whitened? Spending way too much money on moisturizers that promise to undo the damage years of sun exposure and smoking have already done to my skin (even if I can’t see the damage yet)?

But on the other hand, it is elective surgery. And all surgeries come with risks and am I willing to risk a plastic surgery addiction (because we all know I have a very highly addictive personality) just so I can be happy with myself. And am I really not happy with myself or am I just worried that society (and some stupid doctors) think I should be unhappy with myself.

And now I have a headache. Man, society sucks.