Tatiana Talks

Get The Eff Away From Me

Every single-girl has been asked at one time or another, “How is it that you are still single?”

Well, over the Fourth of July holiday, I found my answer.

I am completely unapproachable.

As you know we were at Salty’s place at the shore. And as no visit to North Wildwood would be complete without a trip to Keenan’s, we started our Friday night off there.

We weren’t there for five minutes when we settled on a spot and were trying to decide if we wanted to hang out or if we should move on after that round. While discussions were going on, a 15 year-old who must have used her cousin's ID to get into the place, reached around me (yes she was standing next to me) to tap Bridie on the shoulder (Bridie was sitting on the other side of me), leaned across me and asked, “Would you mind taking our picture?”

Bridie and I both turned to see five or six other teenagers standing behind us. Bridie looked at me, got down off her bar stool and accepted the girl’s camera.

I had to moved so Bridie could stand where I was standing to take the picture.

The girls all thanked her and Bridie turned back to our group. “Did that girl really just reach around you, into our circle to pick me to take her picture?”

“Right? Why wouldn’t she just ask me? I was waiting for her to.”

Then there was silence as it seemed my friends finally had the opportunity to tell me what has been bothering them for some time now. Pepper was the first to speak. “I guess you are just unapproachable.”

What? Me?

At first I thought this was complete crap. After all, I am approached all the time. Just the other day I was waiting for the El to Center City when a woman that could only speak four words of English (Chinatown, thank, you and eleven -- and actually I think I taught her eleven) asked me which train would take her and her friend to Chinatown. She then thanked me a dozen or so times, even after I put my iPod back on and her friend found someone on the train that could speak Chinese.

Which is when it occurred to me -- most of the times that I am approached, I am trying to avoid talking to people. And just like The Rules Girls told me the way to catch a man is by acting as if you can’t stand him, I think the key to being approachable is looking as if you might get sick if someone were to come up and talk to you.

So this weekend I think I am going to take Pepper to a bar (because she offered to grade me on my approachability) along with my iPod and a book with a scary title like Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women, and just sit there and scowl.

I’ll let you know how it goes.