Tatiana Talks

L Is for The Way You Look at Me

Man, there is nothing like having a crush. And boy, have I missed this feeling.

I have missed this feeling so much that I tried forcing myself to have a crush on CK but to no avail. CK is just too damn perfect to be crush-worthy.

However, this weekend I have found my crush -- Rower Version 2.0 or R 2.0 for short.

I raced this weekend, twice; a women’s eight and a mixed eight (mixed as in there were both men and women in the boat). As I sat in one of the boathouses waiting for my second race to launch, a woman that was waiting with me introduced me to R 2.0. I was told he would be in my boat later.

I looked up (it was almost a strain on my neck as my new crush is very tall) and a little voice inside my head sang, “ding-dong.” I had found him.

I think he felt it too.

The next morning I woke up and the whole world felt lighter and brighter, despite the severe storms that were rolling through. It didn’t matter. I have a crush again.

I know it is silly. It is one of the things I can’t stand about myself. But having a crush makes me want to get up and workout. It makes me want to get gussied up and go out. I know I should want to do these things for myself, and I do. But a crush is such better motivation then training for a marathon or simple self-improvement.

Sigh. Maybe one day I will matter enough to myself to want to do these things just for me. But until then, I will use the fact that there is a chance I will run into R 2.0 to keep me running and rowing and applying mascara.

Is it really that terrible? After all, I am the one who is improved by all my effort.

Now, not everyone will be happy about this new crush -- Bridie for one thinks hanging out in Fairmount, making out with rowers is a step backwards. For the record, I haven’t made out with anyone -- yet. Nor do I have plans to hang out in Fairmount -- a lot.

Still, I have spent the last few years denying that I was a rower or an athlete, but I finally accepted that and look how happy I am. Maybe finally admitting that I have a thing for rowers will bring me the same sort of joy.