Tatiana Talks

Levi and Me

I hate Levi Johnston.

I hated him before I even saw him and then, when I first did see him I felt justified in my disgust. Mind you, I had no reason to hate him. He just looked like a douche bag to me. And you know how judgmental I can be at times.

But now I have a reason for detesting him. Levi Johnston actually had me defending Sarah Palin. Just for a moment, mind you. But it happened.

When I heard about the interview Levi Johnston gave to Vanity Fair, I breathed a sigh of relief. I am a subscriber to Vanity Fair and so I wouldn’t have to suffer the moral debate as to whether or not I should go out and buy a copy of the magazine. It would be delivered to me.

Still, it sat on my coffee table for a couple of days. The red corner banner screaming the exclusive with Mr. Johnston.

Finally, I poured myself a glass of wine, turned on my iPod and opened to the “Me and Mrs. Palin” spread. Immediately my stomach turned. Really? This guy is being offered modeling jobs?

The editor’s note on the next page told me that Levi was going to give us a behind the scenes look at the woman that might have been our vice president, and who will most likely run for president in 2012 (though that is never actually mentioned).

Instead, Levi starts by telling us how he found out that his life was going to be changed forever. He was hunting when Bristol called him. When he refused to make the trip to Ohio to be there when Sarah Palin was first introduced to the world at the Republican National Convention, Sarah herself got on the phone and insisted he be there. See, poor Levi didn’t want the thousands of people looking at him. He was just a good ol’ boy from Alaska that wore Carharts and flannels and cowboy boots. Of course this begs the question -- then why, Levi, when you have the opportunity to fade back into obscurity, don’t you take it. You know, instead of giving exclusives to Vanity Fair and offering to let it all hang out in Playgirl.

But that is not what had me yelling at my magazine. Yes, in addition to yelling at my TV I sometimes yell at reading materials. What can I say? I am a very passionate (some say crazy) person.

No, what annoyed me was Levi’s behind the scenes details. First, it seems Levi just read every bad thing that was ever said about Sarah Palin and reiterated them for the interview. I mean, is it really all that shocking that she said stupid things around the house all the time? Second, he starts talking trash on what a terrible mother she was/is. That she was never home, never cooked, never cleaned and often relied on her family to help her around the house.

Oh my god, really? A working mom expecting help from her almost grown children? Shut the front door! I can’t believe it!

Oh wait, I can. Just ask Lana. She wasn’t even an official teenager when my mom and dad expected her to watch me and Ivan after school and when they went out in the evenings. And we were all expected to clean up around the house -- it was called doing our chores. I think most kids have them.

Please don’t get me wrong. I don’t like Sarah Palin. I think she is dumb and I disagree with almost everything she stands for and it feels very dirty defending her. I didn’t vote for her nor can I imagine circumstances in which l would vote for her. However, she was governor of Alaska, and the governor’s mansion is a notoriously difficult place for women to ascend to. In the history of the U.S. I think there have been maybe 10 women governors, and at least two of them only held the office because their husbands were governors and died during their term.

I eventually calmed myself down by reminding myself that she did campaign as a hockey mom and according to Levi she was never at any of Track’s hockey games. But still the whole article left a bad taste in my mouth. This is, after all, his son’s grandmother that he is talking trash on for all the world to read.

I mean, I get it Levi, I do. You cut your mullet and you saw how much better you looked sans hockey hair and realized you could probably get much better tail if you left Alaska and took advantage of your new fame. More power to you. But there is only so far you can go with the whole badmouthing your would-be mother-in-law. Maybe this will get you a spot on the next celebrity Big Brother or some other stupid reality show featuring people we wish we could forget about.

After that, if there is a god and she is good, you will go back to being an electrician in Alaska. And if god is really good, Bristol will have moved on but not before telling Vanity Fair just how disappointing it was to lose her virginity to such a loser.

I think I would buy two of that issue.