Tatiana Talks

My Whole Bed

It is a bit of a cliche isn’t it? That after a break-up one struggles to sleep on the other side (or in the middle) of your bed. Well, at least I thought it was.

That is, until I found myself propping pillows up on my side of the bed.

It was a long day, and there was absolutely nothing on TV. I was about to settle in with some Law & Order reruns, when it occurred to me that it had been awhile since I had read and as I was approaching the middle of Norman Mailer’s The Executioner’s Song, I decided it was time to pour myself a glass of wine, get in my jammies and settle into my bed with Norman.

I put the glass on my nightstand, and started propping up my pillows to make the perfect back rest. As I reached for an extra pillow from the other side, it hit me -- why the hell am I only using one side of my bed.

I had never spent enough time in a bed with one guy to have a side of the bed until Houdini. Before him, I slept right in the middle unless someone else was in it, in which case I would lie awake on my side, worried that my tossing and turning was keeping my partner awake.

But with Houdini, I crossed some grown-up threshold and actually slept with a guy; not just passed out next to him. Once he was gone, I guess I never crossed back. Or at least, I never crossed back onto that side of the bed.

It seemed ridiculous that I had been using only one half of my bed for so long. I rearranged my pillows, creating the perfect prop right in the middle of my bed. I crawled in, pulled the covers over my legs, and double checked that I could still reach for my glass of wine.

That night, I fell asleep in the middle too. Sure, I woke up the next morning right back on my side, but I’m still counting it as a success.