Tatiana Talks

A New Super Bowl Drinking Game Is Born

Did I ever tell you I was an advertising major in college? Well, I was, for like a minute. Then I moved my focus to journalism. But for a brief moment in my life I thought I would really like to be in advertising. Why? Because I love commercials.

I think my love of commercials is what brought me to football. Because, of course the super bowl of commercials is well, the Super Bowl. I remember sitting in our family room with Ivan watching the Super Bowl. He was watching because he loved football, I was watching because I loved laughing at all the funny commercials. Of course in between all those funny sixty-second spots, I couldn’t help but pick up a few pointers on the game. Especially with Ivan as a tutor.

And once I saw how cute some of those quarterbacks were, a fan was born.

Now, for those of you that follow me on Twitter, you know a couple of weeks ago I was up in arms about a Carl Jr.’s advertisement that seemed to me a blatant rip-off of last year’s PETA ad that was banned from the Super Bowl for being too sexy. Was the PETA ad a bit racy? Yes. Was it too racy for the Super Bowl? Umm, I don’t think so. Not when you consider the GoDaddy ads that have women losing their tops -- of which, what the heck is GoDaddy?

Still, I didn’t raise too much of a stink about it. Mostly because I wondered if my affront wasn’t because it was PETA that was being banned -- as opposed the Carl Jr’s whose ad I’m sure will appear on the West Coast with little to no fanfare.

But I can’t keep quiet about the recent controversy surrounding the Tim Tebow and ManCrush ads.

For those of you that don’t know, Tim Tebow is the University of Florida quarterback who became famous when he was caught crying after his team’s loss to Alabama; a loss that prevented them from playing for a national championship. Apparently, it is also a miracle that he is even with us today, because, according to an ad that will air during the Super Bowl, his mother was told to terminate her pregnancy for health reasons. Obviously she didn’t and now the world has Tim Tebow.

That’s great. Good for you, Tim and Mrs. Tebow. Seriously. I don’t have a problem with this ad running.

My problem is that CBS is (or was as of this writing) refusing to run an ad by ManCrush, a dating site for gay men. The ad has two men watching football when their hands brush against each others while reaching for dip and then they start making out (oh if only it were that easy!).

What does the ManCrush spot have to do with Tim Tebow? Well, the organization that is paying for the Tebow ad is obviously pro-life, but they are also anti-gay. So why do they get to get their message out there, but ManCrush can’t?

CBS officials said it was because they were out of ad space but that turned out to be not true. Now they are saying it just isn’t appropriate for the small children that could be watching the Super Bowl to see two men kissing.

Of course this wasn’t a concern last year (or was it the year before) when Snickers showed two men kissing (thank you Miami New Times for reminding me about this ad). Of course an onlooker in that commercial was disgusted by the sight, so I guess that is what made it okay -- it is okay for two men to kiss as long as it is gross. It is also okay for two women (so long as they are hot) to kiss (or almost kiss) because that obviously doesn’t raise any questions for small children.

You know what else doesn’t make small children wonder, apparently? The words four-hour erection. I think we should all take a drink on Super Bowl Sunday for every time we hear those words at the end of Cialis and Viagra commercials. You know, to celebrate all the awkward conversations that are not taking place in families with small children.

Now some stink has been made that the Tebow ad will create just as many unnecessary conversations between children and their parents. This I totally disagree with. But maybe that is because I forced my mom to have this same conversation when I was just eight. See, wearing buttons on your jean jacket was the coolest-thing-ever back then and one day my best friend came in with a big, new button she took from her mom that said, “My Body! My Choice!” Of course we all pretended to know what that meant, but since I didn’t have a clue, when I got home I asked my mom. And my mom being a no-nonsense kinda woman and a nurse, sat me down and summed up the great abortion debate in a language a third-grader could understand.

Still, I’m sure there are parents out there that would like to avoid this conversation for as long as possible. Just as I am sure there are plenty of families out there that don’t want to have to explain homosexuality to their eight-year-olds. However, I am just as sure that there are a number of families, oh like those with two daddies, that would appreciate seeing their lifestyle acted out during a great American tradition as if there was nothing wrong with it.

Because here’s the thing, CBS, there’s not.