Tatiana Talks

Why More Men Should Speak Out Against Victim Blaming

I recently learned that a football player at my alma mater has been suspended from both the school and team after he was accused of rape.


You can read all about the story, here, but the cliff notes version is a young woman alleges the football player invited her to his dorm to watch TV, she went there, he raped her, she fought him off, and then he later sent her a text asking if she was going to press charges.

I read about this story where I get most of my news these days on Facebook via Twitter. And, unless you have been living under a rock, you know Facebook allows everyone that wants to, to comment on the post (as do most websites these days). It was in the comments that what I read turned my stomach (probably not a good sign that reading about rape no longer upsets me, but I digress).

Comment after comment blamed the young woman for putting herself in that situation in the first place, for going back to the football player's dorm room alone to supposedly watch television. One commenter incredulously asked “who the hell goes to someone else's room in college to watch the damn TV.”

Umm. I did. All the time. I wasn’t raped once.


Now, I have seen victim blaming before: It was her fault for dressing so provocatively, and for getting so drunk and for getting so drunk in that super short skirt and low cut top and then going back to that boy’s room alone. Because everybody knows That Boy is trouble.

And while I certainly don’t condone any victim blaming – I’m of the crazy thought that a woman should be allowed to wear whatever she wants, drink whatever she wants and go wherever she wants with whomever she wants and still maintain the right to say no when things go too far for her sexually – I am used to hearing these things. But this – she shouldn’t have gone to his room to watch TV? By doing so she was setting herself up to be raped. Really? Really?

Why aren’t more men pissed off when they hear these things?

After all, by suggesting that a woman shouldn’t go to a man’s dorm room alone to watch television in the middle of the afternoon, you are saying that men can’t be trusted. Ever. A woman should never be alone with a man she doesn’t know. Or even one she does know. Or even one she knows so well that she married him.

And why? Because when a man wants to have sex, he can’t be stopped. He is powerless against his desire to procreate. So strong is this biological function, it takes away man’s free will and even when the woman is fighting and kicking and screaming no – men have no choice. They must have sex.

Then they must eat a sandwich.

They are no more to blame then when you come home from work and you find your dog has chewed up your favorite new pair of pumps. What did you think was going to happen? You have been working late every night of the week and you are the one that left them on the floor by the door where he could get to them.

Men? Do you see what is going on here? By suggesting that women are to blame when men rape you are suggesting that men are no better than dogs.

And if that’s the case, then we women shouldn’t be hiding under baggy layers and refusing to let you walk us back to our apartments after what we think was a very successful date. No. We should start keeping you men in cages. And on leashes. Us women will walk you and feed you, if necessary, put you down when you get too old or too costly or we move into a new apartment that doesn’t allow men.

I for one would love to have a pet-man, but I think too highly of you for that.